Kimoda Escapades (Part 3)

“Mr.Owiti, I think it is time you get introduced to our candidates. When you are ready, you can tell me I go and introduce you.” The deputy principal Mr.Kenga suggested to me.

“Yeah, sure.It is about time. We can go now.” I answered, ready to make the most out of my first impression.

He stood up and as he walked out of the staffroom, I followed him. The classrooms were located behind the main administration block. We went round the block and just before we entered the form four class, I hummed a short prayer asking God to straighten the crooked paths that the devil might be planning to lay ahead of me! I also asked Him to give me the courage to talk eloquently and not embarrass myself with concocted English! I adjusted my tie, for the sixth time, and when all was set, followed Mr.Kenga into the class.

We found all the students asleep, except two; a light skinned girl who was applying make-up. She had finished with the lip gloss and now she was just getting started with the eye shadow. A huge mirror was placed where her exercise books were supposed to be.Using a mathematical set to provide support, the mirror was tilted at angle to give the best reflection and a fairly dark-skinned boy who, on seeing us enter the classroom, struggled to hide what looked like a smart phone! The deputy principal cleared his throat and the rest woke up, some struggling to maintain straight faces by widening their eyes, some removing books from inside their lockers and pretending to be calculating some complex simultaneous equations while some pretended to be reading from text books that were held downside up.

“Good morning class.” Mr.Kenga started.

“Good morning teacher.” The response came with clear female voices mixed with groans from the boys, especially from the back-benchers!

“I am here to introduce to you a new member of staff. He will be handling Physics and I must say you guys are lucky to have him. Since this school started, we have never had a graduate handling such technical subjects like Physics. As you all know, all past teachers of Physics were mere Form four leavers with questionable characters! I hope he will add some oomph and be able to open your eyes to see the nitty-gritty! He is only here for two months and so I urge all of you to make use of him. Disturb him with questions! Follow him up and down! Ask him for clarifications where you do not understand!  Do not let such a brain go to waste! Now I will give him this opportunity to tell us his name and more about himself. (Turning to me).You are highly welcome sir.’’ 

All this while, as the deputy was addressing the students, all their eyes were on me! They were scrutinizing me! Dissecting me with their sharp, curious eyes!

Just as I stepped forward to begin my address, the whole class exploded in loud laughter. I wondered what might be so funny! Was it my tie sticking out of the coat again? No! Was it my un-ironed shirt? No! Was it my old coat? Was my flier open? I checked and found it was not. Then what could it be? My shoes? Yes, they had a gaping hole which made them appear as if they were laughing but it could not be because they seem not to have noticed them.

(photo: independent.co.uk)

All this while they have just been staring at my face. It was when one student pointed somewhere around my neck that I found out the cause of their unprecedented laughter. Close to 22 overweight bedbugs were playing football, using my tie as a level playing ground. They seem to be somersaulting and sliding all the way down in an unsolicited display of martial art Techniques. Some were playing hide and seek, appearing and disappearing into the crevices and the folds of my shirt! I shook them away and they all scattered in different directions, some under my armpit, and some past my ears all the way to the forest on my head. Some even found it fit and safer to seek refuge inside the bush surrounding my testicles!