The Story of Abubakar

Once upon a time,

When being a Muslim was highly considered a crime,

There lived in a small estate in Dakar,

A young man by the name Abubakar.

He was jobless,

But he was lucky to marry a hardworking princess,

She set up a small Arabian tea restaurant,

There, Abubakar would sit the whole day chewing Khat.

He had a beautiful daughter,

Whom he named Rhoda,

He wished he could afford to take her to an academy,

But poverty seemed to be his worst enemy.

One day his step-brother came up with an idea,

That would make them Millionaire,

Their goal,

Was to get out of Senegal.

He proposed selling the old family car,

And use the money to join their Uncle in America,

Once the old jalopy was bought,

They busied themselves acquiring passport.

Abubakar was sad to leave his young family behind,

But the prospect of becoming rich in America clouded his mind,

In America, their Uncle assured them of Hundreds of Dollars,

If only they could blow themselves up in a crowded Shopping mall in Dallas.

That the money will be wired to their families back at home,

Once they have detonated the Bomb,

There was great fear in Abubakar’s eyes,

But his step-brother convinced him otherwise.

By the time the news of Dallas terrorist attack broke,

Abubakar could only hope,

That Rhoda can afford Academy fee,

And his wife has stopped selling Arabian tea.

(image/www.ourehtiopia.tumblr.com)

My Wife is a Gentleman

My wife does not help my mother in the kitchen,

He sits with my father in the guest room, drinking beer,

And when we go down to the river for a shower,

My wife does not take a bath in the women’s area,

He takes a bath together with the men,

Because he has hairy chest and something long is hanging below his abdomen.

My wife does not wear a bra,

The type of breasts he has does not need a bra,

They are the type that do not produce milk.

My wife is not allowed in the maternity ward,

Doctors say that he does not have a vagina,

That people like him do not get pregnant,

My wife therefore cannot give birth.

My wife urinates while standing,

And he does not receive his periods,

He therefore never wears sanitary pads,

My wife wears boxers.

My wife walks like a real woman,

And sometimes he paints his lips,

My wife does not have hips,

And his buttocks are flat.

My wife’s documents indicates that he is a he,

His voice is melodious and he shaves his eyebrows,

Sometimes some strands of hair sprout on his chin,

They therefore say he belongs to the men’s fellowship in the church.

(image/www.tumblr.com)

One-way Conversation

Othieno,yesternight I was drinking in ''The Corner'' bar alone,
The bar where we would meet when you could not stay at home,
You ran away from your quarrelsome and promiscuous wife,
And in that bar we had found a quiet peaceful life.

Othieno ''The Corner'' bar was lonely without you,
The other night you insisted ,very much, the bill to be on you,
So it was a departing signal,how I wish I knew!
Yesternight I was served by the tall brown girl.The one you always swore you will swallow her brown breasts,
She served me a bottle of beer,tonic water and a glass of ginger Krest,
You remember last year when she told you that your penis is bigger than a donkey's and we broke into a huge hearty laugh!
I think that night we had taken a little more than enough!
Othieno ''The Corner'' bar was lonely without you!

Othieno you should wake up and go to work,
In your company you always bring them good luck,
Those you commissioned to build your new home have finished baking clay,
Your wife talked of marrying another husband by the way!
What a sad thing to say when you are not even married yet,
That woman's heart is as cold as cement!

Othieno how fast things change! From a two way conversation in a bar to a one way conversation in a mogue,
From a dialogue to a monologue,
Othieno,wake up man! At least talk to your mistress,
She is here to see you,do not give her a lot of stress,
At least she has honoured to come see you,your wife has not stepped here in the mortuary,
And the men's committee from church has agreed to contribute some little money to put up something on the obituary!

What I am Not Saying

I am not saying I do not like you the way you are,

I am just saying if your breasts were a little bigger,

The nipples in particular,

Then I would be more eager.

I am not saying you are untidy,

I am just saying if you could clean the house more often,

Then it is highly unlikely,

The infections will toughen.

I am not saying you are a spendthrift,

I am just saying you can shop better with a written budget,

I hope you get the drift,

From my small nugget.

I am not saying you have a loud mouth,

I am just saying if you could reduce the gossip,

Then we would witness more growth,

In our relationship.

I am not saying you need to befriend Colgate,

I am just saying a little fresh breath,

Is like a magnet,

Its attraction goes a long length.

I am not saying you are plump,

I am just saying exercise is good for your body,

Unless you are dump,

Eating is not a felony.

(image/www.star2.com)