Pre-sex Conversations (Part One

Otieno

My people call your people “Jorabuond,”

It means “Potato people,”

I guess it stems from the fact that you people like potatoes,

I hear you add potatoes to every meal you cook,

I hope you will not mutilate my fish stew with Irish potatoes,

Anyway, like I told you before,

Next week I will take you to Siaya,

I am sure everything will go well,

It is high time we involve our relatives.

Wairimu

I am still worried about going to meet your people,

You know there is this unspoken and sometimes openly spoken hatred your people have towards my people,

I do not want to be humiliated,

I do not want to sit there amidst people who smile at me while deep in their hearts they wish I could just pack my things and leave for good,

My people have this notion that your people hate us,

It is a notion we grew up with,

Also, my people call your people, “Ihii”

It means “uncircumcised,”

By the way, are you circumcised?

Otieno

Well, you are just about to find out,

What are your expectations though?

What if I am not circumcised?

Will you break up with me?

And talking about private parts,

My people say your women have soggy vaginas,

That it is because of too much “waru” that you people eat,

Is it true?

Is it true that your people have watery vaginas?

Wairimu

Well, you are about to find out,

There is an African saying that goes, “Seeing is believing,”

And by the way,

This is basically the first time I am getting completely naked in front of a grown up man,

A Luo man for that matter,

The first time I had sex I was in form one,

I was still young and stupid,

The boy was equally immature,

We did not even remove our clothes,

He just pushed my pant aside and slid his tiny manhood inside,

Only to pour everything outside the mouth of my vagina,

My people say your people have big logs,

I hope you will be gentle on me.

(image credits/ www.drawinglics.com)