Kimoda Escapades (Part 2)

“Can you teach Physics?’’ That was the first question the principal of Kimoda mixed secondary school asked me as soon as we were settled in his office. I said yes.

‘And sing too?’’ I also answered this in the affirmative.

“Well, I am not looking for a musician. I am in need of a Physics teacher. Are you sure you can handle KCSE Physics practical?’’ I said yes.

“When can you start?” he asked.

“You mean I have the job?” I was a bit surprised.

“Yes. When can you start? Now?’’ This one got me stammering! I wanted to say, “Why not?” but then I remembered we had not discussed about the salary.

“How much will you be paying me?”

“Is Kshs 5,000 per month okay with you?’’ I said No.

“What about Kshs 7,000?’’ I said No.

“Kshs 9,000?” I said No.

“Okay, you may leave. I will look for another person! I cannot pay you more than Kshs 9,000” he said this while standing up.

“Wait. I will take Kshs 10,000”

“No. As I said earlier, I am not paying you more than Kshs 9,000.”

“Okay, make it Kshs 9,500.”

“Deal. When can you start?”

“Monday is good.”

“No problem. Let me take you to the staffroom and introduce you to other teachers. After that, I will direct someone to show you where you will sleep when you come on Monday.’’ We rose and, the principal leading the way, walked to the staffroom.

“Excuse me teachers. Sorry for interrupting your busy schedules. I would like to introduce to you our new member of staff Mr… (He looked at me to remind him of my name. I did and he finished his statement)...Owiti.He will be handling Physics. (Pointing at the deputy principal).Mr.Kenga, you will show Mr.Owiti where to sit. You may also take him to the teacher’s quarters and show him where he will sleep when he will come on Monday next week. (Turning to me) Mr.Owiti, I will allow you to interact with the teachers. I hope they will treat you nicely. See you on Monday.” With those few introductory remarks, he left. I remained standing there like a helpless pregnant woman.

“Welcome.’’ I heard the voice of a lady say.

“Welcome. Let us go I show you where you will sleep.’’ The deputy principal saved me from just standing there like an idiot and so we left the staffroom and walked along the pavement leading to teacher’s quarters. We entered a house which had many rooms inside. He opened one room which was empty and told me that that would be my room. He will order some students to mop it for me. As for a bed, he promised to organize one for me by the time I will be reporting on Monday. I bade him goodbye and left.

By 7.45 am on Monday, I arrived, like I promised, to start my new life in Kimoda Mixed secondary school.First, I reported to the principal’s office to sign the contract but the principal informed me that in Kimoda, employees do not sign contracts. (Signal number one of what Kimoda had in store for me).

From the principal’s office, I went to the staff- room to see which table the deputy had assigned for me. There was no table for me. (Second signal of what Kimoda had in store for me).The deputy pointed at something that resembled a log of wood with the shape of a coffin and pleaded with me to make it as my temporary table. As for a chair, he gave me an old jerrican to use as they wait for new set of furniture expected to be delivered that next week. From the staff-room, I went to my room to offload the bag which carried my personal effects. The room was mopped but the bed was still missing. I went back to enquire from the deputy where my bed could be and he told me to relax. That I will get my bed before sunset.Meanwhile, he offered me a mattress that was so thin it could break the ribs of a mosquito. (Third signal of what Kimoda had in store for me).

I never wanted to head straight to class so I requested the deputy to give me one day to put my things in order. You know getting the text books, drafting a personal timetable and just getting to know where things are! He agreed and so I spent the rest of the day surveying my new environment. The bed did arrive in the evening. It looked fairly good enough but at night after discovering that it was hiding 8,702,809,546 bedbugs, I abandoned it and slept on the floor where the bedbugs followed me and sucked 6 liters of my blood. I woke up in the morning with only 0.00045 ml of blood left in my body. (Fourth signal of what Kimoda had in store for me).

Day two: I woke up scratching my body like someone dipped inside a super drum full of chillied water! The bedbugs had worked on me properly! I know they will go for 700 years before they think of sucking somebody again!  My nails could not do a better scratching job and so I went outside and after one hour of thorough search, came back with a rough-edged stone. I was peeling off my skin with this stone when the deputy came to my room to say hello.

“I hope you slept well Mr.Owiti.”

“Yes. Where will I get water? I want to shower."

“I will send someone to bring for you water. The bathroom is over there (pointing at a room in the further end of the house).”

“Thank you.”

The water was brought by the gate-man. He left and came back with a basin. He gave me the basin and left without saying a word. (Fifth signal of what Kimoda had in store for me)

As I was pouring the water from the jerrican into the basin, a fellow teacher (I remember seeing him in the staffroom yesterday) came from outside, greeted me and then entered the bathroom and closed the door. I wondered what he could be doing inside the bathroom without water! When he finished whatever he was doing, I entered the bathroom and I was immediately welcome with a repulsive strong stench of rotten ammonia. That the person who used the bathroom last might have urinated inside was a gross understatement. This must be a urinal and it must have been used for that purpose for more than 3,000 years! (Sixth signal of what Kimoda had in store for me).

I showered in exactly one point four times ten raised to power negative twelve seconds! I swear if I could have stayed a single second longer inside there, I would have died of mandatory suffocation or what in medical jargon is referred to as ammonia poisoning by default. I wore my best suit, which my grandfather left for me when he died of prostate cancer, with a matching tie! 

By the time I entered the staff-room, it was slightly passed 8 a.m.Inside the staff-room, I only found evidences of people having taken tea and bread. I felt embarrassed to ask for my share. Through the corners of my eyes, I surveyed for any remainder of bread but I successfully failed in my survey! There was a thermos flask on top of the deputy principal’s desk but I could not gather courage to ask whether it had some tea inside or not. 

While I was devising a million ways of knowing whether the flask had tea or not, the deputy called one of the students and instructed him to take the flask to the matron for washing! My suspicions were therefore buried there and then! I had to kaa ngumu and pretend that breakfast was the least of my concern but the worms inside my stomach could not let me pretend! Of all the days, they chose this particular morning to organize a choir and sing Christmas carols the whole morning. They only stopped at around 11. a.m when it finally dawned on them that no matter how loud they sing, I was not moved by compassion and neither was I moved by Christmas songs! The worms should have at least asked me whether I was a Christian or not first before venturing into singing Christmas songs inside my stomach.

I asked the deputy for text books and their corresponding teacher’s guides but he told me that he will only give me one Physics text book.(Seventh signal of what Kimoda had in store for me).That one of Form four. He added that I look bright enough and I can manage to teach the rest of the classes of-head! Did he not hear that I scored A in Physics? As for the guides, even them they do not have! I will have to make do with the resources that are available.

(image credits: www.caglobalint.com)